You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
