I am puke
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
