OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
