I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
