he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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