ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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