i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
