Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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