The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's blow job season.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
