so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
