I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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