Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
