i think i have two assholes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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