i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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