There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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