I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Mom said you looked used
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
