i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
