I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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