OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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