I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I deserve this hangover.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize