why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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