Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
