So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
