Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
