Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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