So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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