sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize