she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize