I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
