If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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