Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
