what day is it and did you see me today?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
