mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
