He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i think my tv is drunk
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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