I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
