Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
