you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Vodka?
Forever.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
