Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
