If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize