Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
