i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
