she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
