Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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