I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
