his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
