just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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