I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
