you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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