And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we made out on top of his cat.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
