I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
