she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
