I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
