If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
birth control should be required to get into college
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
