i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
