I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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