I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
