i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
why is half of my head shaved?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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