he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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