Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
