Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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