Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I didn't notice because vodka
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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