I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
